The Juice

Drink milk because OJ kills.

Celebrities

I used to think that to become famous you had to be particularly talented at something. After a few years of life I realized that talent and fame have very little to do with each other. Sometimes talent and massive fame collide but the covers of US Weekly and People Magazine aren't filled with Oscar winners or guitar gods but of Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson talking about how they named their son some crazy-ass name just so they can talk about naming their son some crazy-ass name.

The people on the covers may of been productive at some point of time, i.e. Lindsey Lohan or Madonna. But now their careers are revolving around staying in the spotlight no matter how much they claim to hate the attention. So I wonder why we are so fascinated with people who aren't currently making good music or movies. Why isn't Phillip Seymour Hoffman on the cover? Why are the Jonas Brothers on the cover instead of Radiohead?

I guess I already know the answers to these questions. Philip Seymour Hoffman isn't sexy or snorting coke in a nightclub. None of the members of Radiohead are nearly as cute as even the ugliest Jonas. I guess beautiful people are just more interesting.

Sexiest Man Alive

According to People Magazine (the official judges of sexy celebrities) Hugh Jackman is the sexiest man in the world. This notion is seconded by my mom, who has maybe seen one of Hugh's movies but nonetheless can not stop dreaming about the tall, dark, and handsome Ausie. 

Well this got me thinking. Characteristics of Hugh Jackman:breathtaking smile, sculpted abs, powerful pecks, romantic, and has women swooning at the very sight of him. I.E. a mirror image of myself. Isn't it obvious, I'm Hugh Jackman's illegitimate son!

It all makes sense now. So Papa Jackman, I beg you. Come reunite with you son and spoil me with your millions of dollars.