Zack and Miri Banned

New R-rated comedy "Zack and Miri Make A Porno" has been banned by Megaplex Theaters based in Utah because of the film's "graphic nudity and graphic sex."

"Saw V" also opens this weekend and Megaplex Theaters has no problem showing the exceedingly violent horror flick.

So why are people so afraid of sex? 

Why is it ok to watch somebody get decapitated? 

And why is it so much more offensive to look at a pair of breasts?

I don't know. As Jim Morrison once sang, "People are strange."

Football's Elephant in the Room

As New Orleans Saints football players Deuce McAllister and Will Smith tested positive for steroids this weekend, I couldn't help but notice how little publicity it is getting. You would think two former Pro Bowl caliber players getting caught for performance enhancing drugs would be front page news like it is with baseball. But as I look at Yahoo's NFL home page, there is not one mention of the incident.

Baseball has grown weaker and weaker over the years since suspicions and accusations of home run sluggers like Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and Sammy Sosa for taking steroids. But football is stronger than ever, despite evidence than steroids are just as prevalent in football as they are in baseball.

So why does baseball get all of the negative publicity? First, baseball is America's pastime, and with its rich history, all of its records are considered sacred. Breaking records in baseball is almost as big as winning the World Series. Every time a pitcher reaches 300 wins or a slugger hits 500 home runs, it's top news. But in football, records are just a footnote. The media pays attention when football records are broken, but not nearly to the degree as they do in baseball. So when Barry Bonds breaks the all-time home run record on steroids, people are going to be offended.

Also football is big money for everybody, including the media. If SportsCenter starts talking about Shawn Meriman (Pro Bowl linebacker) who tested positive for steroids last year, then maybe Joe Six Pack won't wake up and watch Sunday NFL Countdown for four hours.

In conlusion, steroids are bad for business, just ask baseball who is having record low ratings for the World Series this year.

KVUE Top Stories: 10/23/2008

Here's a list of all the stories on the local news tonight.

1. Crazy Man Harasses Gas Station Customers

2. Boxer Convicted of Aggravated Assault

3. Officer Shot and Killed a Pit Bull

4. Fake ID Sting

5. Woman Killed By Hit and Run Driver

6. John McCain Supporter Attacked

7. Restaurant Los Jaliscienses Failed Health Test Again

8. Cold Weather

9. High Allergy Forecast

10. Sports

Damn, I thought I had a pretty good day. But according to the news, today sucked.

250-to-1, I Like Those Odds

Greatest investment of all-time; betting on the Tampa Bay Rays to win the World Series. The Rays had 250 to 1 odds in spring training, so one would get $250 for every $ gambled. Now the Rays are a mere 4 wins away from winning the Fall Classic. 

Dave Marger of St. Petersburg was smart enough to take on those odds, and if the Rays win he will receive $25,000 for a $100 bet!

Maybe the Rays weren't a sure fire way to win 25 grand, finishing in dead last in 2007 and almost every year before that. The Rays have never even finished a season over .500, let alone make the playoffs, let alone make the World Series. 

Still, next season I'm putting my money on the Washington Nationals. 

The House of Torment

As a virgin to the haunted house scene, I didn't know what to expect from the House of Torment. How long would it be? Do they touch you? And is it OK to cry? Well, it's only 15 minutes long. Thankfully they aren't allowed touch you (even though it is hard not to push them away in self-defense). And even me being the wimp that I am, did not cry. 

The house tries to spook you from the start, with ghouls roaming free by the ticket line. All of the monsters look a little to real for comfort. Especially when they get right up in your face, you can't help but feel a little uneasy. 

What impressed me was the diversity in each character and room. You have all your horror essentials: zombies, aliens, pig-men, skeletons, mummies, clowns, and a handful of other bizarre creatures. All of them placed in a room befitting for their evil persona. 

Exiting the haunted house is quiet a sight, watching distressed customers trying to forget the experience they had just inflicted upon themselves. And like every attraction, there is a souvenir shop in the parking lot. 

  

Hopefully Badass Movies of the Fall Pt. 2

Quantum of Solace- Picking up from Casino Royale, Daniel Craig plays arguably the best James Bond in history. Capturing Bond as the rugged live wire that Ian Fleming seemed to envision when he created the infamous spy. (Nov. 14th)

The Soloist- Jamie Foxx may of finally picked his first good movie since Ray, as he plays a classical music prodigy who has found himself sleeping on the streets of L.A. The film also stars newly revived Robert Downey Jr. (Chaplin, Iron Man) and Catherine Keener (Capote) whom I swear never picks a bad movie. (Nov. 21st)

Milk- Sean Penn is obviously looking for another Oscar with his portrayal of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man elected into public office. Penn is surrounded by hot upcoming actors such as Emile Hirsch (Into the Wild, Lords of Dogtown) and James Franco (Spiderman). The film is also directed by Oscar nominated Gus Van Sant (Good Will Hunting, Finding Forester). (Nov. 26th)

Doubt- Starring Meryl Streep (The Deer Hunter, Out of Africa) as a nun who confronts a priest (Philip Seymour Hoffman) about abusing a black student. The movie has a lot of potential and it should be interesting to see how John Patrick Stanley directs the film, given he has only directed one other motion picture (Joe Verses the Volcano). (Dec. 12th)

The Class- A French film about a high school teacher who has trouble getting through to his students. There is not very much information about this film, but it did win the prestigious Golden Palm d'Or at Cannes this year. (Dec. 25h)

Revolutionary Road- One big reason to see this movie, it's directed by Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition). Starring Leonardo DiCaprio (The Departed, Gangs of New York) and Kate Winslet (Iris, Little Children) as a young married couple having trouble dealing with conforming to the 1950's lifestyle. (Dec. 26th)

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- Possibly the most hyped movie of the fall, stars Brad Pitt (Babel) as Benjamin Button who was "born under unusual circumstances," as a man who was born in his eighties and ages backwards. Adapted from the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story by Charlie Kaufman, this movie has everybody talking Oscars. (Dec. 25th)

Hopefully Badass Movies of the Fall Pt. 1

W.- Director Oliver Stone (Natural Born Killers, Platoon) is as brilliant as he is liberal, this bold depiction of George Bush should be interesting to say the least.

Changeling- A Clint Eastwood production seems to be the closest thing to a sure thing these days, as Angelina Jolie plays a dramatic role as a mother who is searching for her kidnapped son. (Oct. 24th)

Synecodoche, New York- the directorial debut of my all-time favorite screenwriter Charlie Kaufman (Adaptation, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) narrates a story about a theatre director who is in the process of making his masterpiece as he is suffering from a disease that is slowly shutting down his body. By the way, the movie is starring Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote), Catherine Keener (Being John Malkovich), and Michelle Williams (Brokeback Mountain). (Oct. 24th)

 

Zack and Miri Make a Porno- Director Kevin Smith (Clerks, Dogma) is back. Supported by currently hip funny man Seth Rogen (Pineapple Express, Superbad). The title is intrigue enough to see this film. (Oct. 31st)

Role Models- Paul Rudd (Knocked Up) and Seann William Scott (Dude, Where's My Car?) are forced to do community service with smart mouthed children and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (aka McLovin) now that sounds funny. (Nov. 7th)

Australia- About the bombing of Darwin in Australia during World War II, Australia stars Nicole Kidman (The Hours) and Hugh Jackman (The Prestige) in what appears to be a visual spectacle of the year. (N0v. 26th)

Albums Everybody Should Own

Whether or not they're yours or my favorite albums, these works have an undeniable place in music history. Only rule, no repeating the artist. 

Revolver, The Beatles

Highway 61 Revisited, Bob Dylan

Kind of Blue, Miles Davis

King of the Delta Blues Singers, Robert Johnson

Electric Ladyland, The Jimi Hendirx Experience

Tommy, The Who

At Folsom Prison, Johnny Cash

A Love Supreme, John Coltrane

The Velvet Underground & Nico, The Velvet Underground

What's Going On, Marvin Gaye

Live at the Apollo, James Brown

Exile On Main Street, The Rolling Stones

Pet Sounds, The Beach Boys

Astral Weeks, Van Morrison

I Never Loved A Man The Way I Loved You, Aretha Franklin

The Dock of the Bay, Otis Redding

Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin

Harvest, Neil Young

The Dark Side of the Moon, Pink Floyd

Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols, The Sex Pistols

The Clash, The Clash

Meat Is Murder, The Smiths

Doolittle, Pixies

Nevermind, Nirvana

(What's The Story) Morning Glory?, Oasis

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, Wilco

Elephant, The White Stripes

In Rainbows, Radiohead

The Foot Fist Way

The Foot Fist Way is a low budget comedy that was shot in only 19 days staring Danny McBride as an over eccentric tae kwon do instructor. The movie has a plot, but is more of an excuse to tie together "kick-ass" jokes. A significant part of the movie is clips of little children, graceless middle-aged men, and senior citizens awkwardly practicing tae kwon do. 

The movie revolves around McBride's character Fred Simmons and his relationship with his dimwitted wife and his hero Chuck "the truck" Taylor. Simmons, like most comedy leads today, is exceptionally stupid and arrogant but is also oddly somebody for the audience to cheer for.  

There isn't much to the movie, but if you like laughing out loud while watching some "crazy awesome" tae kwon do, then this is the movie for you.

B

Here's a link to the badass trailer

Fleet Foxes

As indie rock is going through its folk movement, Fleet Foxes are capitalizing on this new fad. Their soft woozy style brings back memories of legendary folk-rockers like The Band, Nick Drake, and Crosby, Stills, and Nash. 

With their self-titled debut album, Fleet Foxes mix what these acts have accomplished and created their own melodic sound that is easy on the ear. But their pleasant sound doesn't come without a price. The songs wash together without any real change of pace and their lack of intensity can cause a loss of interest after only a few songs. The songs individually are good but I would like to see them try and go outside of their comfort zone. 

I do like where the Fleet Foxes are going with this album and am interested in what they will do next. If you like The Band, you will certainly like this band.

B

The World United Music Festival and Radio Conference

Austin Music Fans, here's something that may of slipped under your radar, and it's coming up soon. In close by San Marcos, The World United Music Festival and Radio Conference is being held November 14, 15, and 16th of this year! For whatever reason, I had not heard of this massive music fest until a few weeks ago. 

I believe this is the first year of the festival, and it is set up similar to Austin City Limits. 150 bands, 8 stages, and 3 days. But the fest has two major differences to ACL. First, it is held in November, which means no dust and certainly no heat. And secondly, it only costs $70 for a weekend pass and if you only want to check the fest out for one day then it is mere $35 for a day pass! 

The festival doesn't have big names like Beck, Foo Fighters, or Gnarls Barkley. It is centered around independent groups and should be a good event to attend if you are looking for some new interesting music. 

Wilco: I Shall Be Voting

The new fad these days for musicians is trying different ways to get their fans to vote. Which I'm completely in favor for. Suffrage is a right that people have been fighting for throughout the history of this country, and the fact that people today have the right to vote and choose note to is incomprehensible to me.  

Wilco is another band trying out this voting tactic. They do it in a way that is at least appeasing to me, giving out a free song while "pledging" to vote. If you go to wilcoworld.net/vote and type in your name and email, you will get Wilco's cover of the Bob Dylan song "I Shall Be Released" emailed to you and ready for download. There is also a link at the bottom to register to vote for those who are not registered. 

Woody

Woody Guthrie was the original folk protest songwriter and has brought a heavy influence on later songwriters like Bob Dylan and Ramblin' Jack Elliot; by singing about fascists, unions, the Dust Bowl, and equality. His sarcastic wit in songs like "Mean Talkin' Blues," powerful voice in "Dust Bowl Blues," and day-dreaming reflections in "Ingrid Bergman," makes him one of the most diverse and creative songwriters of the 20th century.

Guthrie is from another time, making his lyrics and sound hard to relate for people in today's society. Today we're more worried about terrorists than fascists and hurricanes than dust storms. But Guthrie's ideals of freedom and love are something we should all relate to.

My advise for those who have not heard Guthrie before is to check out Wilco and Billy Bragg's collaboration called Mermaid Avenue, in which they cover many unreleased Guthrie songs with a more modern alt-country sound. There are two volumes released in 1998 and 2000. The sound is good, but what makes the album worth buying is Guthrie's words.

"Birds and Ships"

The birds are singing

In your eyes today

The flowers blooming in your smile;

The wind and sun

Are in the words you say;

Where might your lonesome lover be?

Birds may be singing

In my eyes this day;

Sweet flowers may blossom when i smile;

My soul is stormy

And my heart blows wild;

My sweet hearts rides a ship at sea.

-Woody Guthrie

The Red River Shootout

Now, like any lifetime University of Texas sports fan, I'm particularly excited for next Saturday's match up against the vile Oklahoma Sooners. With this being a bitter rivalry and given that both teams are highly ranked. One should expect this to be a game of epic proportions. Right?

Wrong, now this scenario seems to happen every year, both teams come in highly ranked and one dominates the other. Now granted last year was and exception (Oklahoma won 28-21) but that was the only time in the last ten years that the game has been determined by less than 10 points. Over this time OU has beat UT by scores of 63-14, 65-13, 12-0, 35-24, and 14-3. All in convincing fashion. Similarly UT has beat OU by scores of 45-12, 28-10, 34-3, and 38-28. 

Certainly, I will be watching the game next Saturday, and honestly I hope it isn't close and Texas blows out Oklahoma. But if your a neutral observer craving a good game, I wouldn't guarantee that this one will satisfy your hunger.   

Will The Cubs Ever Win?

Oh the Cubbies! The most depressing team in sports. 

You would think that this year would be their year. The best record in the National League, Sweet Lou Pinella as their manager, and if you superstitious this is the 100th anniversary of their last championship. 100 years! 

But no, the poor decrepit Cubbies have been blown out of their first two playoff games and are one game away from elimination. To make things worse, both of the games were at home and against the mediocre Dodgers who barely finished over .500 for the season. 

But there is still hope, and you know Cubbie fan has hope. Hell, just a couple of years ago the Red Sox broke their little championship slump being down 3-0 to the sinister Yankees. 

So anything can happen. But it is the Cubs, the team of infinite sorrow.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

This FX T.V. series is without question the craziest and most ridiculous show on T.V., and I mean that in a good way. The show is centered around five people who work in a rundown bar called Paddy's in Philadelphia. "The gang" is what they call themselves. There is not an innocent character in the show, all of them are shallow, backstabbing, lazy, and genuinely repugnant. 

One of my favorite episodes is when "the gang" decides to start letting high school kids into their bar to "help keep them safe." So naturally the bar becomes packed with high schoolers and all "the gang" can't help but become swept up in all the high school drama. They start going to high school house parties and dating way to young high school kids. Eventually they all get asked to the prom except for one. Mac, a twenty something year old guy doesn't get asked so he decides to go to the prom stagnant. A grow man going stag to the prom, now that's funny. Eventually, they all get pathetically dumped and wind up not going to the prom at all. 

Their episode names are so properly titled "The Gang Goes Jihad," "Dennis Looks Like A Registered Sex Offender," or "Sweet Dee's Dating A Retarded Person." All of them are equally offensive an equally funny. 

Watch it for free here at hulu.com

10 Greatest Albums of The New Millennium

There is no real reason why I devised this list. I just like lists, and hopefully I can cause some debate (if anybody reads this).

10. Songlines, The Derek Trucks Band

9. Paparazzi Lightning, Ghostland Observatory

8. I'm Wide Awake It's Morning, Bright Eyes

7. The Big Come Up, The Black Keyes

6. The Greatest, Cat Power

5. Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots, The Flaming Lips

4. A Ghost Is Born, Wilco

3. The Odd Couple, Gnarls Barkley

2. Elephant, The White Stripes

1. In Rainbows, Radiohead. The guitar is abstract, vocals soothing, and rhythm section simple. There is no repetition as each track sounds different from the next. The disc opens with "15 Step," which starts with a drum beat that is fast passed and intense and contrasts well with the Thom Yorke's calming voice and the jazz-rock arpeggios of the guitar. Tracks like "Reckoner," "All I Need," and "Jigsaw Falling Into Place" have such intense and complex sounds that I can't even begin to fathom how they were composed. In Rainbows deserves to be the best album of the millennium.